I am 24 years old. I have been studying for 4 1/2 years and am still 22 exams, 4 hand-ins and 2 tests away from finishing my bachelors degree. For the same amount of time I have been smoking between 1 and 3 packs a day. Right now I am rather stable at 20 cigarettes a day. I haven't been exercising in years. I don't have a job and I seem to be already in the red by the 10th of each months.
And, I am a liar. I lie out of embarrassment over my non-achieving self. I lie to people about how much longer I will be studying, how many exams I have left, how much I am smoking, how fit I am, how much money I can afford to spend. Or I avoid the subject or give vague answers ("So how many exams
do you have left?" - "Plenty.")
I used to think about myself as a clever girl, that my program - eventhough difficult - is not too difficult for me. Yet, I cannot seem to just sit my sorrow ass down and read the bloody books. I could have been done with school 6 months ago, if I had really made the effort. I get anxious about still being in school, but I procrastinate myself through life with the least possible effort.
I am smoking like chimney, I actually enjoy smoking a lot but I hate it when I can't even climb two flights of stairs without getting out of breath and I certainly don't want to get cancer. I would like some mild exercise, just to get back in shape, get fit. I am quite slim, so it wouldn't be to lose weight but to get a better body feeling and build up some muscles. I would like to go swimming for a few hours twice a week, but yet, I never go.
In short: I need help. I have read about people who use their blog to keep track of their spendings, as a way to be honest and give account to their readers when they fall off the wagon. This blog project is sort of the same, or a late "new years resolutions with supervision" project. I will keep a diary about my progress and I hope I will get some readers to watch over it. Basically, I need someone to kick my ass. I hope anonymity will help me to be brutally honest, with you and most important with my self. I wrote down my goals and the current progress in the left sidebar, it is embarrassing just to look at it. But I am committed to not lie to my gentle readers, given that I have any. So if you stumble across this blog, please come back once in a while and drop me comment, I would really appreciate it.
